How to Write a Best-selling Business Book

April 27th, 2010

I know all of you out there dream of writing a bestselling business book.  But there’s always ONE thing holding you back—business experience.

But fear not because I have discovered the secret to writing a bestselling business book.

Soon, you’ll be on all the talk shows.

The media will be begging for your advice.

You’ll be invited to the White House to give your advice on major policy decisions.

That’s right.  You’ll be the most sought-after million-dollar business consultant after you write your bestseller.  You’ll have so much cash that you’ll be able to buy your own frickin’ island!!!

And I can teach you how.  I’ll take you step by step through the process of writing a bestselling business book.  Oh, I won’t’ give you writing tips or insignificant details like that.  No, not at all.  I’m gonna tell you how to get people to fall all over themselves to BUY your book. It’s foolproof!

So, are you ready to become a bestselling business book author?  Here’s how:

Step 1: Read some business books.

Step 2: Take an idea out of one of those business books.  Take ONLY one because the ridiculously low standard for business books is that they only have to give you ONE good idea.  If you go around putting 2 or 3 good ideas in there, you’ll only confuse the readers AND lose out on writing your next 2-3 books.

Step 3: Take that old idea and call it something else.  If you like the idea of cutting unnecessary expenses to run a successful business, then call unnecessary expenses  “blue elephants”.  Do NOT give anyone a clue that it is an old idea.  It is key that you be “innovative”.

Step 4: Take your new “innovative” idea and sit down to write your book.

Step 5: As you write, repeat your new idea over and over again.  Say it in as many different ways as possible.  For example, if an unnecessary expense is a “blue elephant”, you can talk about snagging blue elephants (identifying unnecessary expenses),training blue elephants (trimming unnecessary expenses), or burying blue elephants (eliminating the expenses altogether).

If you can, give the old idea 2-3 more innovative names.  And always make sure to say how new your idea is.

Step 6: Make up stories to prove your point. Remember this is all about IDEAS, not about anything of substance.  Ideas are cool.  Facts and studies are boring as heck.  Leave that to the academics.  We don’t care about academics.  We care about getting a yacht!

Step 7: Now that you’re done, publishers will be crawling at your door to get a hold of your latest book.  Don’t worry.  It’s easy.  If you have any trouble, I have a $7,500 how-to-get-your-book-published seminar that guarantees that a publisher WILL LOOK at your next bestseller.  Of course, that’s a drop in the bucket compared to all the money you’re going to make as a bestselling author.

Think it’s impossible.  I thought you might.  To show you how easy it is, I will show you how effortlessly simple it is to write a bestselling business book.

Below are the new books I am working on that are going to pay for my new fleet of Ferraris.

  • Same is the new different

Since everyone jumps on trends, you will be different if you just stay the same instead of trying to keep up with the business joneses.

Old idea: Stay true to your core values.

  • Slow is the new fast

Take your time and deliver quality products/services than fast and cheap.  This is due to my non-existent research that tells me that people want this.

Old idea: don’t sell shoddy products or deliver crappy service

  • Green Forest Strategy

People are trying so hard to look for the newest trend that they forget what is right in front of them.  The forest is green.  Look for the green.

Old idea: Grab the low hanging fruit (a cliché I hate)

  • Polka Dot Daffodils

If you want to survive you have to stand out.  So, you must strive to be like a polka dot daffodil.

Old idea: be different.

Those are just a few of my new books.  And don’t even think about stealing these ideas.  I’ve got a shark lawyer that loves to sue.

If you do need help repackaging old ideas and rebranding them as new and innovative ones, why don’t you come to my “Bestselling Idea RE-Creation Workshop”.  For a mere $2,500, I will help you turn old ideas into brand new innovative ones.  That coupled with my super cheap $7,500 how-to-get-your-book-published seminar will put you on the path to prosperity and wealth.

What are you waiting for?  The time is now.  Carpe diem.

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