Readers of this blog know how cheerful and upbeat I am.
What was that you said?
Nah. You’ve got me mistaken for someone else. Or you’re not reading the right posts.
You see, I’m a positive guy. Think positive. Act positive. Heck, I breathe positive. I’m that guy who always sees the good in things. I don’t even need to try. Positive just comes naturally to me.
But it stinks being so damn positive all the time.
I go on Facebook the other day and some guy tells me that I’m going to get raped and killed because the US is in danger of imminent financial collapse and I’m doing nothing to prepare for it. He seems upset that I didn’t share this view.
You see, I’m just too damn positive. Not gonna happen, I say. I could spend my life collecting guns, ammo, and dried food. I could take all the money I have and sink it into gold or survival seeds. But I’m not going to spend my life in fear of something that people have been predicting since I was old enough to talk and STILL hasn’t happened. That kind of gloom and doom totally gets in the way of my positive vibe and blocks the sweet rays of reality.
But no, he says. He’s been preparing since the 80’s and he’s sure the economic collapse is coming NOW.
To which, I say…I don’t spend my life worrying about what MIGHT happen. Yeah, a meteor MIGHT strike my house. A tital wave MIGHT go this far inland and flood my house, My dog MIGHT become possessed by evil spirits, turn into Cujo, and try to slaughter me in my sleep.
Lots of things MIGHT happen. But, you see, I don’t worry about what MIGHT happen. I worry about what will PROBABLY happen. My dog will probably need to piss before I go to bed. A hurricane will probably hit a coastal city and so I am safe. I’ll PROBABLY spend the rest of my life never seeing a meteor up close. If I’m going to prepare for anything, it’ll be for things that’ll PROBABLY happen…like when I prepare a bottle of wine because my girlfirend will PROBABLY come over this weekend.
Fellow positive people, we don’t worry about things that MIGHT happen but PROBABLY won’t. Nah, we stick to what we can do and make the most out of it.
But Mr. Negativity comes back with improbable doom-and-gloom-end-of-the-world-run-for-the-hills babble….If I’m wrong he says, he’ll pray the end comes swiftly and painlessly for me.
Well, we’ll see about that. I’ll just have to enjoy my life and that nice bottle of wine I’ve got chilling…till the world ends, that is. I hope the end of civilization has a cool soundtrack.
It stinks being so damn positive all the time.