Buy or Die!

The other day I was hanging out over at Doberman Dan’s blog.  He wrote a hilarious piece on How to Make Millions in the Guru Business.  You’ve gotta check it out.

Dan and I were talking about the fact that we were not invited into the Internet Marketing Ole Boys Club.  It’s upsetting for me personally because I even offered everyone a blueprint for getting rich while making others go broke.

But then I thought about it.  I’ve never been asked to one of their seminars.  And seminars are where the money is at!

So, maybe I need to make my own.  So I started thinking about seminars I’ve been to.   So,  I’ve come up with a new seminar series called: The seminars that everyone’s gone to but were called something else.

Here’s what I’ve got so far:

The Random Things We Put Together to Sell Seminar
We had a bunch of things lying around the house that are taking up a bunch of room.  So, what better way to sell them than throwing a seminar where YOU pay to show up and buy them!

The Buy My Course Seminar
A seminar dedicated to teaching you how to buy my $2,999.97 course.  I’ll take you through the process of becoming interesting in my course all the way to dying to buy it.  And as a bonus gift, I will give you a half-day session on the best way to buy my course (a $999 value).  We’ll go step by step through the process of taking out your credit card, swiping it through my machine, and as an extra bonus I’ll show you exactly how to check the box that says I can charge you $79.99 a month for my supplemental online course material.

How to Pretend to be an Expert Seminar
At this seminar you’ll meet genuine fake experts.  You’ll meet:

Mason Green: Expert copywriter.
Mason read a couple of books on copywriting and now charges $15,000 for sales letters.  Every fake expert uses Mason to write their copy.  He’s THAT good.

Fink Stern: Master Network Marketer
Fink is ready to show you how to become an expert network marketer.  He just signed up for Amway last week and he’s ready to get himself a kicka$% downline.

Mr. X
He’s such fake expert that I have no idea what he’s an expert in.  But he will read a book only minutes before the seminar and by the time the seminar is finished, he’ll be THE expert in something.

I know what you’re thinking.  You’ve never heard of these fake experts.  Well, of course you haven’t.  They’ve been “underground”.  And they’re only coming to the seminar because I promised I’d buy them a beer at the bar–on your dime!

The Sales Pitch Seminar

This seminar is for people who are serious about improving their sales skills.  You’ll be treated to non-stop sales pitches by the best in the business.  Sit back as our speakers will pitch you expensive products as you kiss your credit limit goodbye.

Some other seminar ideas I’ve pondered:

7 Ways Using a Number in Your Seminar Title Can Get More people to Come to Your Seminar
Come to This Seminar So I can Make Some Money Seminar
Who Else Wants to Pay Money to Hear me Talk Seminar
Hydroponic Wealth

That’s it for now.  But rest assured no matter what seminar I put on, it will cost $5,000 and seating will be limited.  So, why don’t you just pay for it in advance right now.  Come on.  I said seating is limited.  You wanna be left out?  I didn’t think so.  Go ahead.  Buy now!