Former Self-help Critic To Become New Age Wealth-creator

April 1st, 2010

Carlon Haas, author of the popular Don’t Step in the Poop blog, announced today that he is sorry for criticizing self-help gurus and will dedicate the rest of his life to helping others by becoming a self-help guru.

Haas, who had been critical of self-help gurus, called his change of heart a natural reaction to two significant events in his life.  The first was watching clips of Tony Robbins on YouTube and the second watching The Secret for the third time.

“Yeah..I really didn’t get The Secret the first two times I watched it.  I thought it was pretty stupid actually.  But on the third watch, I was like yeah..all right..NOW I get it.”

After employing The Secret for only 10 seconds, Haas says that money started mysteriously manifesting in his bank account and strippers started appearing at his doorstep for sex.

“I didn’t think The Secret would bring me strippers.  But that just goes to show you how powerful this all is.”

Haas has also used The Secret to manifest his first book, “Cosmic Cash: How to Use the Universe to Manifest Millions.”  He will follow this up with a seminar that teaches people to acquire wealth through a technique he calls “wealth-wave alignment”.

Asked about his past as a critic of self-help, Haas was quick to apologize.

“I was young and foolish.  I especially wanted to apologize to Tony Robbins for calling his book stupid.  I thought there was no giant within me to be awoken.  But thanks to the strippers provided by The Secret, the Giant in my pants has awoken.”

Mr. Haas says his seminars will range from free (for losers looking to cash in) to $25,000 (for people who are serious about making millions).

He is currently manifesting something bordering on the mystic that you can’t fully comprehend until you’ve gone to at least 387 of his $25,000 seminars.

Below is a video of Mr. Haas’ tearful apology to self-help gurus for his former criticisms.

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