Former Self-help Critic To Become New Age Wealth-creator

April 1st, 2010

Carlon Haas, author of the popular Don’t Step in the Poop blog, announced today that he is sorry for criticizing self-help gurus and will dedicate the rest of his life to helping others by becoming a self-help guru.

Haas, who had been critical of self-help gurus, called his change of heart a natural reaction to two significant events in his life.  The first was watching clips of Tony Robbins on YouTube and the second watching The Secret for the third time.

“Yeah..I really didn’t get The Secret the first two times I watched it.  I thought it was pretty stupid actually.  But on the third watch, I was like yeah..all right..NOW I get it.”

After employing The Secret for only 10 seconds, Haas says that money started mysteriously manifesting in his bank account and strippers started appearing at his doorstep for sex.

“I didn’t think The Secret would bring me strippers.  But that just goes to show you how powerful this all is.”

Haas has also used The Secret to manifest his first book, “Cosmic Cash: How to Use the Universe to Manifest Millions.”  He will follow this up with a seminar that teaches people to acquire wealth through a technique he calls “wealth-wave alignment”.

Asked about his past as a critic of self-help, Haas was quick to apologize.

“I was young and foolish.  I especially wanted to apologize to Tony Robbins for calling his book stupid.  I thought there was no giant within me to be awoken.  But thanks to the strippers provided by The Secret, the Giant in my pants has awoken.”

Mr. Haas says his seminars will range from free (for losers looking to cash in) to $25,000 (for people who are serious about making millions).

He is currently manifesting something bordering on the mystic that you can’t fully comprehend until you’ve gone to at least 387 of his $25,000 seminars.

Below is a video of Mr. Haas’ tearful apology to self-help gurus for his former criticisms.

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  • Guest

    I like your sense of irony.

    I think the Secret goes to absurdities when it claims it’s all about positive thinking. True, you must have confidence in attaining your goal, but mind you, you also need to acknowledge all the obstacles in the way and think your way around it.

    Review recommendations(if you’re interested in doing more):

    *Steve G. Jones’ You Can Attract It
    *Karl Moore’s Secret Art of Self-Development
    *Maxwell Maltz’ Psycho-Cybernetics
    *John Maxwell’s Thinking for a Change
    *Theron Q. Dumont’s Art and Science of Personal Magnetism
    *Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization
    *Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People
    *Carlos Xuma’s Power Social Skills
    *Joshua Uebergang’s Big Talk

    Just as suggestions. I do believe there are self-help books and programs that actually do give solid and mostly new advice.

  • Anonymous

    Thanks for the suggestions. I’ve read some of these books and found some of them to be helpful..others, well….I guess I’ll have to do a full review. My readers keep telling me I’ll like Xuma’s stuff, so I might pick up his book to review.

  • Guest

    Do you do negative reviews mostly or do you sometimes also review positive or average books?

    As for Xuma, it’s not actually a book, it’s a program consisting of 15 CDs. Just google ‘Power Social Skills’ and you’ll find the page in no time.

    Steve G. Jones’ stuff I have personally liked so far(planning on getting his Ultimate Conversational Hypnosis -program), although he has also advertised some totallly off-the-wall recordings. Psychic desire? Angelic realms? What the hell, Steve?!

    Joshua Uebergang’s Big Talk is an instantly downloadable ebook and he also has another one I haven’t bought yet named Communication Secrets of Powerful People.

    If you want to review some ebooks, another recommendation would be Michael Lee’s ‘How to become a persuasion expert in 20 days or less’ as well as Hamilton Miller’s ‘Elite Socical Control’. Purchased neither yet but definitely going to.

    I hope I’m not bombing you with too many recommendations when I even want to add:

    *Jon Mercer’s Social Strategies
    *Bradley Thompson’s Absolute Secret(although that might be just fancy words)
    *Christine Golden’s Ultimate NLP
    *Leil Lowndes’ How To Talk To Anyone and How to Instantly Connect With Anyone
    *John Maxwell’s Thinking for a Change(reveals many really helpful kinds of thinking)
    *Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power

  • Anonymous

    Thanks for the recommendations. I like reading and I;m always looking for a good book. As to reviews, I do both positive and negative reviews (though negative reviews get the most feedback). If you click on my “Reviews” category, then you can see that I have given positive reviews to some books and negative to others. I always try to find good and bad points about a book so people can decide for themselves whether to read it or not.

    I liked the 48 Laws of Power book and I liked some of John Maxwell’s other books.

    I’ll look into some of your recommendations (and perhaps review one or two of them)

  • Jay

    Hi again, Carlon.

    Would you like to give a hint of which ones you’re going to review? Curious and full of anticipation here.