Retarded Self-Help Advice You’ve Probably Paid to Hear

January 15th, 2011
We at DSP are often shocked at what passes for advice.  What shocks us even more is how much money people pay for bad advice.

But never fear.  We now offer you some gems of retarded advice that you’ve probably paid to hear.

Ditch your friends

You’ve probably heard this one phrased something like:

“You’re trying to improve your life, but your friends want to tear you down.  So, you need to get rid of those friends.”

Those darn “friends” always telling you not to follow stupid advice.
Now ask yourself this: who knows you better–a motivational speaker trying to sell you something or the people that have been close to you your entire life?

The ditch your friends advice is typical for those tying to get you to not listen to people telling you how retarded their advice is.

Get rid of all negative things

Negative is usually defined as “crap that bothers me”.  But here’s a news flash: it’s not all about YOU.  If I spent all my time getting rid of things that annoy me or make me feel bad, then that pretty much rules out 99% of my life.

Seriously think about how retarded that is.

The whole idea that you can actually get rid of negative things is retarded.  What’s negative anyway?

Bills?
Taxes?

Spicy food?

Hate to be the bearer of reality, but success depends on how you deal with and overcome negative things, not how hard you try to get rid of them.

It’s OK to be an Asshole

There’s a fine line between being confident and just being a douchebag.
Some “gurus” have no clue what the difference is.  But if you need to be an asshole to be confident, then I suggest that you get good at something instead.

Nothing inspires confidence more than being good at something.

Your miserable because your vibrations are all wrong

I once got terrible motion sickness riding a double decker bus in London.
I was miserable because the vibrations were all wrong.

That’s the only situation I can think of when vibrations make you miserable.   Feel free to leave hilarious comments abut how vibrations can also make you feel good.  Come on, you know you want to…

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  • http://twitter.com/duffmcduffee Duff McDuffee

    Good Vibrations is the name of an old Beach Boys song which made many people happy. It’s also the name of an adult toy store which has also made many people happy. Don’t know good vibrations until you’ve tried ‘em. ;)

  • Anonymous

    And why did you need to use the word retarded. retarded doesn’t mean stupid. Just don’t get why people use a word that mocks the disabled. I mean when was the last time you used retarded as a compliment?

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  • Anonymous

    I knew you couldn’t resist, Duff….

  • Marina

    Got good vibrations from that one :)

  • Jyry

    I like this article. =) Makes perfect sense.

    Are there any self-help tips that would actually be sensible?

    P.S.By the way, would you please do a review of Power Social Skills?

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  • Anonymous

    Thanks for the comment.
    I want to review Power Social Skills, but the pice is a little expensive for me to just review.
    But if I land a copy, I’ll do it.

  • Jyry

    Would you review Michael Lee’s How To Become A Persuasion Expert in 20 days or Jon Mercer’s Social Strategies? Both are considerably cheaper than Power Social Skills and instantly downloadable as an added benefit.

  • http://www.facebook.com/revnelson Michael Nelson

    Get off your high horse, no one is making fun of mentally handicapped people here. It’s not used as a compliment because retard in a literal sense is almost always a negative thing. You wouldn’t complement someone for being retarded… “Great job at not being at full mental capacity!” No, that’s just rude. It makes sense that it has, thus, come into our lexicon as a word for something stupid, or regressed (literally retarded). It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with people.