The Ease of My New Mac is Bumming Me Out

October 7th, 2010

Melancholy State Captured by the disgustingly simple Photo Booth

About a month ago, I bought a Macbook Pro to replace my old, dying PC laptop.  Basically, I got it because it looks so much cooler than all the other laptops.  And since I want to be cool, I decided to get one.

I’ve been miserable ever since.

I mean, what’s up with this thing?

The Mac Is Just Too Fast

You know, I’ve got a morning routine.

I turn on the computer.
Go make my coffee.
Make my breakfast.
And by the time I’m done brewing the coffee and making my breakfast, I can hear the sweet melody of my windows machine as Windows begins.
I wait in front of the screen, drink my coffee, and eat my breakfast.
Then I go wash the dishes and pour myself another cup of coffee.
Then I sit in front of my computer again and now it’s ready to use.

But this Mac has totally screwed up my routine.

The damn thing comes on before I’ve even left the room!

It’s totally thrown off my rhythm and I’m having a hard time adjust to a computer that doesn’t take forever to boot up and shut down (my PC doubled as a nightlight so it wouldn’t be too dark when I fell asleep).

I can put a bunch of my crap on this machine without it freezing

Look.  I’m a Zen guy.  I like minimalism.  On my former computer, I was able to complete my Zen aesthetic by limiting the programs I put on it.  You see, too many programs made it freeze up.

I spent years perfecting the program-freeze aesthetic.  I discovered what programs were important to me and those I could live without.  My PC taught me to prioritize.  It taught me that I had to give up some things if I wanted my computer to work.

My PC was the stern tough-love father I never had, teaching me to make tough choices in life.

But this stupid Mac is more like the lenient t mother who lets her kids do whatever they want.   I put all sorts of crap on it and it just keeps going and going without freezing or crashing.

How am I supposed to learn the important life lessons if this stupid Mac lets me do whatever I want with the computer I spent my hard-earned money on?

The Mac Programs Coddle Me Too Much

I spent years trying to figure out those video editing programs and photo programs.  And I spent a lot of money trying to figure it out.

But these smothering Mac programs give you these damn short videos to show you how to use their iShit.

It’s just too damn easy.  Where’s the intellectual challenge of trying to read a badly translated guide to your software?  Where’s the breaking in period of trying to figure out what all the commands do?  Those damn Apple people and their stupid intuitive interface, What happened to “earning your stripes”?

My 7-year old can use these programs!  WTF?

I don’t get to figure shit out anymore

What happened to all the fun of going from one place on the computer to the next just to install or uninstall a program?  I loved it when it was almost impossible to uninstall programs.  My problem-solving skills would kick into high gear and I would spend hours scouring the internet for solutions as to why a program was stuck. .

Does the Mac offer the same intellectual stimulation?

Hell no.

Just delete some stupid icon and BAM uninstalled.

Where’s the challenge?

I have to do more work

I made the HUGE mistake one day of taking my Macbook Pro c to work.  You know, with my work PC I know it’s good for at least 2-3 freezes a day.  I have to call the tech guy to fix it.  While he’s fixing it, I get to take a well-deserved break.  It allows me to strech a one-hour project into a whole day!

But because of the “Mac of Misery”, I finished all my work in the morning.  So, my boss comes looking for me, sees me cursing my Mac, and asks me what I’m doing.

“Nothing,” I say.  “All done!”

“Then, you won’t mind doing more work!”

Thanks a lot, Mac!

Overall, the Mac is too fast, too simple, too accommodating of my self-indulgences, and inhibits my ability to slack off at work!

And now an iPad with its magical web browsing grooviness is on the way.  Just how much more miserable can I get!

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