Ask Sham: The Law of Attraction is not working for me. Is there something wrong with me?

December 6th, 2010
For a while, DSP has considered having guest authors on this blog.  As an experiment, we are welcoming Friend (yet adversary) of the Blog, Sham Scammerschmidt, to answer your questions regarding life issues and anything related to the Law of Attraction.  Sham is a Life Attraction coach who is considered by some (himself) to be the foremost expert on the Eternal Law of Attraction, which is like the normal Law of Attraction only way more powerful.

So begins our first column “Ask Sham”.  We have taken some questions to the editor and given them to Sham for his review.

Sham,

The Law of Attraction is not working for me.  Is there something wrong with me?

Feeling unattracted

Dear Feeling Unattracted,

There is no easy way to tell you this, but…YES. There is something wrong with you.  You obviously are not trying hard enough to attract the positive and let go of the negative.  Who’s fault is that?  It’s not the LOA’s fault.  It’s yours.  The Law of Attraction only works for people who can understand its complexity.
You see, as a Law of Attraction Spiritual Guide, I not only know the secret behind the secret, but I know the secret behind the secret behind the secret.  And that secret is simple: the Universe sometimes chooses sides and The Big U doesn’t like some people–like YOU.

But even though the Universe has labeled you persona non grata, you might be able to do something about it. For a limited time only, I’m offering a private one-hour phone consulting session for the outrageously low price of $1,499.  I usually charge $10,000 an hour.  But the great unbounded LOVE within me is flooding into the physical plane, thus demanding that I help the less fortunate.  In just five minutes I can change the way the Universe feels about you.  I can use your time to help you break through your doubts, fears, and negative energy.  So, please take advantage of this offer or you’ll be doomed to a life of working at McDonald’s.

Sham,

My mother is always telling me to get a job but I want to start my own MLM business.  How can I tell my mother about my dream and get her to stop giving me a hard time and accept me for who I am.

Bummed out in Mom’s basement

Dear Bummed,

As you go through life, your energies change and are colored by the prisms in the ethereal plane.  As you probably read in my 11-page book, “The Colors of Existence” (available on my web site for a mere $49.99), I say that, “The colors that surround you at any given time determine the dynamics of personal relationships”

Using the powers bestowed upon me by various Universal energies, I can sense that you are surrounded by blue and red tones.  This is usually fine, red stokes the passions that can lead to a successful business.  But your mother’s colors are an off shade of white.

It is crucial that you change this dynamic immediately.  The best way is to ask your mother for some money.  Tell her you will need it to secure employment.  Don’t worry, you won’t be lying because when you invest in my “Anything’s Possible” Bootcamp, then everything will be possible.  For an alarmingly modest price of $10,000, you will sit side by side with me for 4 hours while I realign your colors.

One your colors are realigned, ANYTHING will be possible.  Your mother will finally be proud of you and you’ll be proud of yourself.  But please don’t hesitate.  Hesitation is a bad color and leads to the cruelest of fates.

If you have a question for Sham, leave them in the comment section or use the form on the About page.

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