It’s been a while since I’ve added to my “Failure to Communicate” Section.  But today Friend of the Blog, Duff McDuffie sent me a link that I couldn’t help but post about.  In fact, I ‘ve been laughing on and off for the last hour whenever I think about this.  Look closely at the picture above.  It is part of a sales letter for a product (link not provided because I don’t endorse the product).  The product is taking about Double-Edged Weight loss.

So, I expected the product to say something like:

“You’ll lose weight fast but you’ll lose your feet in the process”

Or

“Slice Off 10 Pounds in 3 Seconds–As We Chop of Your Head”

Seriously, look at the sword in that pic.  It looks menacing.

But all joking aside, this is a case of someone misunderstanding the idiom “double-edged sword.”  I’m sure they thought it meant getting two benefits at the same time.  If you read the last sentence in the sales letter, that is what they are suggesting.  But that’s not what it means. If something is a double-edged sword, it carries both a liability and a risk. For example, “Freedom is Speech is a double-edged sword: we get to say what we want but we have to listen to people whose views we find objectionable”.

So, if people understand this product correctly, they may think the product carries some liability.

I’m not saying that’s true.  But it might be a good idea to check a dictionary before naming a product.  Just saying…

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When I taught English some years back, a student asked me: “How do I know if my English is good?”

I answered, “People can understand you.”

I think this goes especially for writing.  I’ve seen more bad writing than I care to admit.  But here’s the thing: most people aren’t trying to write the great American novel.  They just want to communicate. So, when I worked with people on their writing, I didn’t sit there and nitpick their every little mistake.

I just made sure their writing was clear. Clarity has always been my guiding principle in writing.

One reason I rail against buzzwords and jargon is that they are usually unclear.  The writer doesn’t know exactly what they mean and the reader probably doesn’t want to sound dumb by asking “WTF?”

So, today I thought I would give you some simple tips I’ve used over the years to be a clearer writer.

1. Write shorter sentences

A lot of my “corporate” buddies think that sentence length is a measure of intelligence.  It is.  The longer the sentence, the more your reader becomes confused (ever wonder why contracts and insurance .

Why would you want to confuse your reader?

I use the rule:  one idea; one sentence.

2. Know the difference between words that sound alike

These can kill you. I write for a living and I occasionally make some of these mistakes.  And you’ll make them too because your spellchecker can’t help you with words that are spelled correctly but used incorrectly.

The top three mechanical errors I find are:

You’re, your

You’re=you are

Your=possessive of you

You’re saying this is your watch?

They’re, their, there

They’re going to their house, which is over there.

It’s, its

It’s=it is, its= possessive of it

It’s looking at its house.

Some typical word confusions:

• Affect/effect
• Accept/except
• Already/all ready
• Discrete/discreet
• Fourth/forth
• Then/than
• Principal/principle
• Wave/waive

3. Get rid of adjectives and adverbs

I had a philosophy professor who once told me that if I want to write philosophy I should take out all adjectives and adverbs and “just say what the hell it is you want to say.”

Try it one time.  Ask yourself: if I cut this word, will the sentence lose its meaning?  If the answer is no, delete!

4. Write in the active voice

As I noted the other day about how the media uses the passive voice to report BS as fact, the passive voice is the enemy of clarity.

Mistakes were made.

I made a mistake.

Which sentence is clearer?

Or try this:

This bread was baked by my mother.

My mother baked this bread.

With few exceptions, the active voice will make your writing clearer.

5. Brush up on your punctuation—especially commas!

Punctuation may seem like a nitpicky thing to talk about, but let me tell you: punctuation makes ALL the difference.  Perhaps you know the story of the English professor who wrote on the blackboard “Woman without her man is nothing” and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is nothing.”

As you can see, the punctuation changes the meaning of the sentence .  Commas, especially, cause a lot of problems.

But unless you write professionally, I don’t think you need to pour over the grammar books on this one.  I recommend The Elements of Style.  The cool thing is you can read it for free online here.  It’s short and you can read it in an hour or less.

So, now go out there and write!

Note:  if there is some grammar Nazi out there who has the time to go through this post looking for mistakes, feel free to do so.  If you find one, good for you. I hope I made your day.Similar Posts:

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"I'll give 110% as I pre-plan to take your business to the next level. I have the bandwidth and the learning."

I’ve talked before about business jargon on more than one occasion.  But the worst offenders are the words and phrases that are completely meaningless.  What do I mean by “meaningless?”

Here’s what I mean:

I work in an international business setting.  We use English as the common language.  When these meaningless phrases come up, I usually have to “simplify” it.

I know people want to sounds smart, but think of what you’re saying sometimes.  If someone asks you, “What does that mean?” and you draw a blank..chances are you’re using meaningless business jargon.

I thought I’d throw out 5 of the worst offenders:

Pre-plan

This one boggles the mind.  Pre-plan?  Seriously.  Plan means to make a plan.  Are you telling me that you re planning to plan?  Another meaningless phrase, probably invented by the same guy who thinks that all-day meetings get results.

A: Let’s pre-plan and then plan and then have a meeting about the plan.

B: This calls for immediate discussion.

Instead say: plan

Give 110%

Maybe it’s because I hear this in sports a lot.  100% is the HIGHEST you can go.  I know someone is thinking that 110% means to give more than you can.  But dude…you can only give what you can, nothing more.

Instead say: give my best; do all I can

Take it to the next level

I seriously have no idea what this means.  It’s supposed to mean “make something better” but actually it doesn’t mean jack. Really..what is the “next level”?  What does it look like? What constitutes the “next level”?  Hell..no one knows. And no one wil tell you either because it takes away from the ability to ”motivate” and “sound inspiring” when really you sound stupid.

Instead say: improve

Bandwidth

Do you have the bandwidth for this project?  I don’t know.  Are you asking me to host your web site?  I AM NOT A COMPUTER!  I AM NOT A SERVER.

Instead say: capability

Learning

“I had a big learning from that project.”

Huh?

Some guy sent this to me one day and I thought English was his second language.  So, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.  But when I looked at who sent it.  Do you think he was a non-native speaker of English?

Nope!

He was using a fun new buzzword: learning as a noun.

Communicating clearly means sounding like you graduated from high school.  “Learning” doesn’t make the cut.

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New Readers to this blog are sometimes confused by some of the words I use on this blog.  Bu fear not.

I am now  going to give you some of the words I use here on a regular basis, and I also expect these words to be added to the dictionary next year due to my loyal readers using the words in their tweets and blogs.

Warning: These words are as trademarked as a Tony Robbins program (but more original)…so please spread the words and tell the dictionaries that you DEMAND they put them in there..just be sure to note where they came from.

Inspiroof (n): proof by inspirational story, usually seen as a testimonial for a feel-good product in which a person espouses how great something made them feel as opposed to any results.  Inspiroof commonly consists of testimonials right after a seminar or event or rock concert.

Note: Inspiroof really bothers the crap out of me. Mostly because some lame-ass dude will tell you how much better he can make your life and then “proves” it to you by telling you an inspirational story.

The problem?

These stories don’t prove anything.  They are used for evil.

And secondly, they are full of crap.

Tony Robbins tells the Rocky story to show you how you can achieve anything.  But the Rocky story is not true.

In fact, most of those stories are just made up.

cheesed (adj): when content is formatted in such a way to make it appear that there are more pages than there actually are, a la “Who Moved my Cheese?”

Note: You ever read Who Moved My Cheese?  If not, you’re lucky.  If you have, I’m sorry.  If you’re thinking about it, read my review.

Lots of “gurus” sell you “courses” that consist of HUGE fonts and wacky formatting that makes a 20 page book into a 400 page course.

Yeah, bulk makes it look more valuable. And I don’t mind formatting that’s easy for reading.  But give me a break.  If your information is so valuable, sell it at 10 pages.  What did you say?  No one will pay $2,000 for 10 pages?  Guess it’s not so valuable after all.

EXTRA BONUS: Beware of formatting that lets you take “notes”.  A lot of lame $2,000 courses are 10 page books formatted in big fonts, squeezed together on half a page and then leaving you space for notes. Wanna take notes? Buy a notebook.  If what you’re buying IS a notebook, then good—just don’t pay $2,000 for it.

spook (v): to give a speech without giving any information to the audience.

The professional spooker is nothing but a salesman whose job is to get you to buy something.  They do this by not telling you anything in the speech but just telling you how great it’ll be once you are able to get the information they promised you in the speech.

A hilarious example is here.

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You know you’ve arrived when you start getting the hate mail. That’s not a joke. I knew this blog was going in the right direction when I started getting (mostly anonymous) hate mail.  And of course, I get the comments from “fans” of any guru (or guru’s book) I happen not to like.

In those letters I’ve been told that:

• I have no business blogging (as if there is some special qualification to blog)
• I’m a nobody with no money (they must have telepathically looked in my bank account)
• I am someone who believes in  doctors and the medical community and not “natural” products (no kidding!… don’t they read my blog?)
• I have no right to blog (is blogging a right?)

I have also been referred to as:

• A hater
• A negative thinker
• A dream stealer

Some adjectives used to describe me:

• Close-minded
• Jealous
• Stupid
• Hateful
• Mean-spirited

The list goes on and on.

Mind you, I don’t take this personally.  What’s funny is that I had to check the IP addresses because I thought they were coming from the same person.  You see, all my hate mail follows a pattern.

The common thing I see from the hate mailers is :

• they’re anonymous
• their English is unintelligible
• they never contradict what I say, they are only angry at what I said (for example, The Secret is great..how can you say it’s wrong!)
• when I make fun of scamming tactics, fans of a guru are upset because I am talking about their guru—even though I never mentioned any guru by name (and in some cases, never even heard of the guy)

And guess what?  I love it.  I love it because you know that you are writing something meaningful and bold when you start getting hate mail.   I like having spirited exchanges.

Unfortunately, most of these e-mails are not good exchanges.  It’s just some person who is angry because I disagree with their guru or philosophy or didn’t like a book that supposedly changed their life.  And I find it amusing because my blog is more humor-oriented.  I mean if they thought I was mean, they should go visit the Salty Droid.

But that’s the way it works.

I am writing about my hate mail because some people I know are uncomfortable getting hate mail or any critical comments.  In their blogs, they never take a stand or if they do take a stand, they’ll back down the minute someone criticizes them.  But I look at hate mail and criticism as a compliment.

At least people care about what you’re writing about.  It’s when they don’t care that your blog fades into obscurity.Similar Posts:

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I’ve written before about overused business clichés.  But what about all those business buzzwords?  Well, I hate most of them too.  There are two things I hate most:

• Using words that are utterly meaningless (non-words).
• inventing new words to replace perfectly good ones

I could give you a LONG list of words that meet that criteria, but here are 5 of them that particularly bother me and YOU should avoid:

1. Solution

A word that I absolutely love.  Unfortunately, it’s been overused so much that the word has lost all meaning.  When a company says it is your complete (fill in blank here) solution, how many times do you roll your eyes.

It’s a shame.  True story.   Once in an ESL class, a student was reading advertisements and asked if “solution” meant software.  It took me almost 30 minutes to convince the student that solution did NOT mean software.

Hey it’s not accounting software: It’s full accounting solutions.

But doesn’t it just mean software? Can’t they just say full accounting software?

Just be quiet and study.

2. Actionable

Action is an AWESOME word.  It has energy and passion.  Let’s take action.  Action is needed NOW.  All talk and no ACTION!

Actionable?  It’s action’s second cousin who needs to go to the gym and lose 20 pounds.  Passive and boring.

Interesting report, but is it actionable?  No idea.  We could make paper airplanes out of it. That would be an action, no?

Your sister’s pretty.  Is she actionable?

3. Incentivize

Huh?  Why not go with motivate?  Is there anything wrong with that word?  Not cool enough for you?  I don’t see why you need to make up a new word.

People are not motivated, let’s incentivize them!

4. Synergy

All right.  We all know this means synthesis and energy.  But do tell: when you see a company named “Synergy” does it mean anything to you?  It doesn’t mean jack to me.

Boss: We need more synergy.

Not boss: How do we do that boss?

Boss: I don’t know.  Go read the Covey book. It’s in there somewhere.

Not boss: How about going to a synergy seminar?

Boss: Even better.  THEN, we’ll know how to use our synergy.

5. Brain Dump

OK.  I don’t like this because I thought the word was a joke at first.  I was laughing until I realized that everyone else was as serious as they could be.  Could it be my potty humor creeping in?  I don’t know about you but I just have a problem with creativity being linked to relieving bodily functions.

Sorry man, had to take a brain dump.

Light a match…a brain dump is coming on.

Watch your step…I took a brain dump over there.

Don’t step in that pile of brain dump.

Is this facility co-ed for brain dumping?

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Disclaimer: This post contains words that have a proven history of offending some people..  If, after reading this post, you suffer from hurt feelings or righteous indignation, I am not to be held responsible.  You’ve been warned.  Proceed with caution.

Author and friend of the blog Steve Harper recently posted on his blog about people who DEMAND your time and then berate you if you can’t drop whatever you’re doing and meet them.

He called those people “wankers” and advised us to write them off because they’re more trouble than what they’re worth.

Well, next thing you know, our friend  of the blog is getting deluged with e-mails saying how offended they are at the word “wanker”.

Harper, being the salt of the Earth guy he is, sent apology e-mails to them saying how he didn’t mean to offend.

But if I had gotten those e-mails,  I would have just said:

LIGHTEN UP

Seriously, I think these days people are WAY too offended.  It’s like someone handed out pills that takes away a person’s sense of humor.

I’ve written other blogs before.  When I used to blog, I was scared to death of “offending” people.  But I learned the hard way that no matter what you write someone is going to be offended.  It’s only a matter of time.  Write about the importance of a sense of humor, and someone will come out and say that you’re making light of people’s problems (yeah…it DID happen).

So, I thought it’s better to write what you believe and take the consequences than tone down your opinion because someone somewhere might get offended.  They’ll get offended if they don’t agree with you.

“Offensive Language” is Clear

In one of my reviews I called a book “one of the dumbest books I’ve ever read”.  Are you confused about my opinion?  But what if I wrote this:

This book does not challenge the brain in a way that I am used to being challenged by books.

Not so clear, huh?

I have at other times referred to some people as idiots, morons, or stupid.

If you think those words are offensive, well…what can I do?   Should I refer to them as factually-challenged?

Know the Words That Offend Thee

But what really got me angry on this was the people complaining about “wanker” was not that they were offended per se, but that they were accusing my friend of not knowing what it means.

Many so “helpfully” pointed out the origin of the British slang.  They noted how wanker comes from the verb “to wank”, which we all know what that means (if not, please look it up in a dictionary).

But I thought…huh?

I watch a ton of British comedy and they use “wanker” all the time.  And I was a HUGE fan of the Australian TV show “The Chaser’s War on Everything”.  They toss out “wanker” and “tosser” like you wouldn’t believe.  It certainly was never used to describe a person who “wanks”.

OK.  It might be lowbrow.  But if it’s on TV, it most certainly is not on par with the F-bomb (with all respect to Bono and his infamous dropping of it).

And then I DID look it up in the Oxford dictionary, which states:

Wakner: noun Brit. vulgar slang a stupid or contemptible person

If I had to compare it to an American word, I’d say it’s similar to jerk.

I bet if Harper used the word “jerk” the offended brigade would have stayed at home.  But then again where does “jerk” come from?

Maybe “jerk-off” which in British English would be “wank”.

So, here’s my point.  People were offended by a word that used to mean a stupid or detestable person and is in many ways the American version of “jerk”.  I thought Harper used it quite properly.

If The Word Fits You Must Submit

I remember a movie called From the Hip that apparently I was the only one who liked it, starring Jud Nelson.  In the movie, Nelson’s a lawyer and he asks his client in court what he thinks of the person suing him.

The guy replies, “He’s an A**ho*e.”

Of course, the judge says that word is not admissible in court.  But Nelson counters, “Can you think of any other word that perfectly matches the meaning?”

He judge could not, and the word was admitted (after a hearing over its admissibility, of course),

And this brings me to “wanker”.

In the context of the post, Harper was referring to a specific kind of person.  And I thought “wanker” was a pretty proper word to call that kind of person.  I could have thought of a bunch of colorful words, actually…but the word fit. Those people that demand your time, never have time for you, and then get angry if you can’t meet them whenever they want…

…what would you call them?

Rather than being offended by a word, it’s sometimes better to examine the context in which the word was used before jumping to conclusions.

**Any of my Aussie or British fans want to chime in on this, I’m more than happy to get schooled on this.  Heck, I welcome it.  The people offended by “wanker” were all Americans. Just doesn’t make sense to me.**

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We often hear those wise old sayings handed down from generation to generation, but some of them are just plain stupid.  Seriously, I went through a list of them and picked out 10 “wise old sayings” that are actually pretty dumb and some cases flat out wrong! And in honor of Valentine’s Day, I made sure to pick some love-related “wisdom” for de-pooping.
1. A penny saved is a penny earned

Huh?  Are you saying that if I am walking down the street, see a penny, pick it up, and then save it, then I’ve earned it?  This should be more like a penny saved is a penny saved.

2. You Can’t Have Your Cake and Eat It Too

This one makes no sense at all.  I have a cake, then I eat it.  Simple as that. But to be fair, I looked it up and it seems that a better translation from the Old English would be “You can’t eat your cake and have it too.”  Makes more sense.  Let’s change it.

3. You can’t be a true winner until you have lost

This sounds like some loser made this up.  Or I can imagine some BS finance guru using this one to explain why it’s actually a good thing that they failed while following their advice.  Because, hey, failing makes you a true winner.

4. All’s Well that End’s well

Let me replace it with another one: the ends justify the means.  Just because things end up well doesn’t mean that the method used to achieve that end is OK.

5. Tis Better to Have Loved and Lost Than Never to Have Loved At All

Love stinks.  Love is painful.  But love is grand.  With all due respect to Tennyson who wrote this line in memoriam to his friend, sometimes it might be better to never have loved at all.  Theoretically, of course.

6. Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Yes, it makes me appreciate my new woman all the much more.

7. You can’t buy love.

Yes, you can.  Ask Hugh Hefner.

8. Good things come to those wait

So, I should sit on my rear end waiting for something to come to me?  I prefer going after what I want rather than waiting for it to come to me.

9. Everything happens for a reason

Yep, there’s a reason for everything.  It’s called a “cause”.

10. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

This one seriously makes me want to vomit.  I literally have a physical reaction when people tell me this.  Like that guy who ripped off one of my blog posts and put it on his blog who when I called him on it, replied, “hey, man, I thought you’d be flattered.”

Flattered, slimeball?  Jeez, I guess I should be thanking you for ripping off my hard work.

Try ready to call my lawyer to sue your ass.  Come up with your own stuff. Similar Posts:

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A friend of mine asked me a good question the other day.  He asked me, “Why aren’t you ‘monetizing’ your blog?”

I replied, “Because I don’t have anything to sell right now.”

“But you could at least put Google Adsense on your blog,” he said.

That’s advice I hear a lot from bloggers. It makes sense because many bloggers (if not all) want to make money from their blog.   And one of the easiest ways is to put Google AdSense on your blog.

But even though my friend’s advice was well-meaning, I have absolutely NO intention of putting Google AdSense on this blog.

You Have no Control Over Which Google Ads Appear

The problem is that Google AdSense works through keywords.  And on this blog, I frequently critique some methods and products related to the personal development field.  For example, I have written posts related to:

• The Secret
• James Arthur Ray
• Tony Robbins
• Who Moved my Cheese

Each time I wrote about these subjects, it was to warn my readers against them.  Imagine in my review of Tony Robbins’ Awaken the Giant Within appears a Google ad asking you to grab a copy of the book—the book that I just finished telling you not to buy?

But if I did have Google AdSense on my blog, it’s quite possible that whatever ad related to the keywords “Tony Robbins” would appear. And trust me if you type in the words “Tony Robbing Awaken the Giant Within” I am sure that you won’t find an ad for Don’t Step in the Poop on the right-hand side.

If I don’t like a book or product, I’ll be damned if I’m going to give you a link on where to buy it.  So, why would I let Google give you a link to the things I don’t agree with?   Some might argue that it is only indirectly promoting.  But promoting is promoting.  And I don’t see any ethical difference.

But to be fair to Google, they do let you block specifics ad that you don’t want to appear like a competitors’ ad.  But my feeling is that you should want to block ALL the ads unless you’ve actually gone out and  checked out every item sold through the ads.  It’s not worth the time or effort.

And to top it off, how much does Google give you per click?  Like a penny?  Would you sell your integrity for a penny?  I know I wouldn’t.

I Do Not Promote Products That I Don’t Believe In

It may sound kooky in this day and age, but I care about those of you who read this blog.  I started this blog to offer you practical advice—to give you the mental tools to cut through the BS that’s you’re being today.

So, I have very high standards when it comes to personal development books and products. And when I do recommend something, it’s because I think is really helpful and not just a bunch of BS wrapped in a pretty package.

Yes, I do know I can make money with Google AdSense on this site.  But there are lots of ways to make money without compromising your values.

That’s why I think if you have a blog like mine, then you shouldn’t put Google AdSense on your blog either.   Control what you promote and only promote what you believe in.  Don’t let Google decide for you.Similar Posts:

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I saw a really cool article on a  new six-word memoir from Smith magazine called” It All Changed in an Instant.”  Smith asked people to write their bio in 6 words. They say it came from Hemingway’s supposed answer after someone asked him to write a story in 6 words, to which he said:

“For Sale: baby shoes, never worn.”

I liked this a lot.  I also think writing your bio in 6 words is the perfect exercise for those of us looking to bring clarity to our lives (or brushing up on your haiku skills).  I’m all about bringing clarity into my life.  And I also happen to be a fan of haiku.  So, here’s my life in 6 words:

Did what I wanted. Still am.

There you have it.  How about you?  What’s your life in 6 words? Add to comments below.   I’d love to read them.Similar Posts:

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