Book Burning Florida Pastor to Torch “The Secret”

September 9th, 2010

The Secret to go up in flames on International Burn a Crappy Book Day

Tampa, September 8th–Today, a Florida church has announced it will be hold a book burning ceremony at which copies of the bestselling self-help book “The Secret” will be set on fire.

Pastor Harry Gonads has declared September 12th, “International Burn a Crappy Book Day”.

“We’re tired of this drivel.  Can’t we get a book that can sell a bunch of copies but isn’t full of crap?” said Gonads.

Administration officials condemned the burning as unnecessary.

“A book burning?  Seriously?  I mean every year, tens of thousands of Americans throw The Secret into the garbage.  Isn’t that enough?” said one official.

People in the Law of Attraction community had mixed feelings.

“I did ask the Universe to drum up some more publicity for my business (  I just didn’t think the Universe would send this Florida pastor to do it. I’m getting lots of people asking me about The Secret now.  It’s kind of amazing how a book burning is the Universe’s way of solving my financial problems,“ said Law of Attraction coach Joe Lowenbrau.

Some Secreters were not so understanding.

“You know, love is the most powerful thing in the world.  And that’s what’s it’s all about–love. Love is the glue that binds The Secret together.  And if you were to set fire to that love, then that LOVE will be attracted by the flames and blow back up in your face and burn YOU and any negative thinker in the vicinity!” said one Secreter when asked to predict the aftermath of the book burning.

But Gonads is unfazed by criticism.

“Look, I’d flush ‘em down the crapper if I could.  But then I’d have toilets overflowin’.  You don’t want me to burn it?  Then get me a bigger crapper! Or ask that so-called Universe of yours to make it bigger!”

In a surprise development, self-help guru Toni Bobbins announced that during the book burning, he would hold a seminar at the Florida church followed by his seminar attendees walking over the ashes of the burnt books.


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