Why Affirmations Don't Work | Don't Step in the Poop

Why Affirmations Don’t Work

February 8th, 2010

A friend of mine told me not to post this. A lot of people, he said, swear by affirmations. He said some people might think I’m being too negative. But sometimes life is not full of sunshine and if you have to shoot the messenger, go ahead. So here goes.

Affirmations suck. They don’t work. At best, they’re a well-intentioned device taught by well-meaning people that really want to help people improve their self-esteem. At worst, affirmations are a way for false hope salespeople to get you to turn off your poop detector and put the blame for your failure squarely on your shoulders when in fact you’re not the problem…they are.

I remember the character Al Franken used to play on SNL who said,. “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough and gosh darn it people like me.”

Well, he may have been affirming, but if I had to choose a Saturday Night Live character to listen to, it would be the guy who says if you take drugs you’ll be “living in a van down by the river.”

Why Affirmations Don’t Work

People supposedly do self-affirmations to feel better about themselves. But self-esteem depends on a couple of things:

Our sense of how likeable and loveable we are
Our sense of how competent we are in areas that require skill

The problem with the two things that make up our self-esteem is that they depend on the feedback we get from the people around us: bosses, teachers, friends, etc. And their opinions DO matter. They matter much more than what your self-affirmation is telling you. I wish it weren’t the case, but those pesky scientists that do all that research stuff say these things.

And what’s worse is if you already have low self-esteem then you simply don’t believe the affirmation. It’s like telling yourself a lie. Who believes lies? And lying to yourself will only make you feel worse.

Without My Daily Affirmation, How Do I feel Better?

If you stop doing affirmations, the thing to do is change your life–more specifically change the feedback you’re getting from the people around you.

In a bad relationship? Get out of it.

Job sucks? Leave it.

A coward? No problem. Cowards can be assertive too.

You’re not stuck in who-moved-my-cheese land where you have to scurry to where the food is and accept whatever is thrown at you.

Sometimes you’re not the problem…your environment is the problem. It’s like a guy I know who does affirmations all day, hoping to “make money work for him” by selling MLM products. He keeps affirming away every morning in his car to the affirmation tapes he buys regularly.

He’s good enough, he’s smart enough, but stuck in a bad system where he can’t make money.

Not making money…well, that feedback is much more powerful than any affirmation.

So, if you are thinking about doing an affirmation or if you’re an affirmation-holic, ask yourself this:

What is the fastest way to feel better about yourself: telling yourself you feel better or actually doing something to make you feel better? Is it better to tell yourself you’re worthy or surround yourself with people who think you are worthy?

You know the answer. Come on.

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Steve Harper

Great post. I do believe you have to have some self-talk and internal guidance but I tend to agree with you on this one. There are people that are making millions off selling people on the value of affirmations. Many of these “gurus, enlightened beings, motivational speakers and lettuce head worshipers” affirm that their bank accounts get bigger because so many people are afraid to take on their own circumstances, fight for what is theirs and drive their own success. Come on people it's time to stop it! As long as you buy into the affirmation hype you'll never own your own reality. You can affirm that you are going to be successful all you want but unless you belly up to the bar and work you towards your success it's never gonna happen.

As for your question Carlon, yes I know the answer and I didn't have to read an affirmation to arrive at it.

Thanks for the reminder and keep dishing the poop brother!
carlon

Amen, Steve. It takes action to make things happen. And the worst part is that many of these affirmation gurus are the people you need to run away from! They feed into people's worst insecurities and set goals for people that are unattainable.

Are you sure you don't need an affirmation to find the answer?
How about this:

“I increasingly relax and accept the the truth that I read on Don't Step in the Poop. And when I read Don't Step in the Poop, I feel a sense of joy because the thoughts I receive nourish me and keep me free from the crap I am forced to encounter on a daily basis. “
Stephanie Smith

I found this through the guest post you did for WSL and I think it is spot on. It is true that a million great sayings are not going to change your life. I would argue that sometimes, removing yourself from the situation is not as easy as it sounds. I work with my father and since our personal relationship has been in the toilet the last year- every day at work is an exercise in self control and getting through the day.
I have, however, found that I could slowly befin to drain the emotion out of our business relationship and that has helped me deal with it better as well as taking steps I know will allow me to financially leave this position in the next year or so. I am getting my degree. Some days are better than others, but the last line you wrote is pure gold. Surrounding yourself with people who build you up is the best way to permanently increase your sense of self worth. As for the others, well, sometimes you just have to throw in the towel – as they say, “there are none so blind as those that will not see…” = you can't make people care or change the way they behave toward you. You CAN refuse to be treated that way. It is a slow process, but by standing up for what YOU need and want, you build a foundation that makes you stronger.
Excellent post and kudos for taking the plunge on a controversial subject.
carlon

Hi Stephanie,

Thank you for your wonderful comment. My post did not go over well in the affirmation industry, but you are a great example of what I am talking about. Surrounding yourself with people who provide positive and constructive feedback is the best way to build yourself up. I agree it's not easy to remove yourself from a situation entirely, especially if the relationship's a marriage or familial. I've found that's where friends can be a big help. Most of my friends don't always 100% agree with me, but they always have my best interests at heart and are there to help me and challenge me. Good luck with your degree and getting yourself into a better position.
carlon

Hi Stephanie,

Thank you for your wonderful comment. My post did not go over well in the affirmation industry, but you are a great example of what I am talking about. Surrounding yourself with people who provide positive and constructive feedback is the best way to build yourself up. I agree it's not easy to remove yourself from a situation entirely, especially if the relationship's a marriage or familial. I've found that's where friends can be a big help. Most of my friends don't always 100% agree with me, but they always have my best interests at heart and are there to help me and challenge me. Good luck with your degree and getting yourself into a better position.
Jacco

Sorry, affirmations does work. Did they work for me? Like, yeah. I used to be a critic. But there was nothing else to do, it was the last thing to do. Nothing helped. But one day something changed. My situation, personal situations, changed. Since then I do every day affirmations. And… they become stronger every day. Very good for your selfesteem.
What's the problem if nothing happens. Most people think that changes are being occured within one hour. Sorry, sometimes you're believes are so deeply rooted that it takes time to change! A Month, a year….. What is the trick? Don't just say affirmations. Those affirmations are empty.
Instead of saying those affirmations as just saying them, say them in a concentrated state, mean it when you say them. When I did it like this, my whole life changed.
Affirmating driving a car is difficult, and should be done by people who are affirmationveterans. Concentrate first on the road and not on your affirmation. Affirmating should be done in a place of silence. Hear yourself saying those powerfull affirmations. Begin small, and grow in your faith. Again, sometimes it takes a lot longer. After a while changes can occur within the hour. By that time you know what to do when you see obstacles in your life.
I'm not a scientist, but a everyday guy who had nothing, but today? Look at me now. It's fun to affirmate.
My idea of this article? It simply is not true. I know the difference, sorry. Boy does the writer of this article miss the clue. It's always good to fight for something. Be a fighter, not somebody who quits. If you don't want to be somebody, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.
carlon

Jacco,

Welcome to Don't Step in the Poop. The main point of the article is that feedback from others count more than your affirmations. If you're getting negative feedback from others, then no amount of affirmations is going to make up for it.

I'm glad that your affirmations seem to be working for you. But your comment is revealing. You are in fact saying that if affirmations aren't working it's because you're “doing it wrong”. So, you really prove my point that when people say affirmations don't work, you can just put all the blame on the person doing the affirmation.

Sorry, Jacco, but telling someone that they have to concentrate harder when they do affirmations before they can get results is really no help at all.

As to your final part…fighting for the wrong reasons is never good. And quitting is sometimes an excellent choice…just ask all those ex-smokers out there.
carlon

Jacco,

Welcome to Don't Step in the Poop. The main point of the article is that feedback from others count more than your affirmations. If you're getting negative feedback from others, then no amount of affirmations is going to make up for it.

I'm glad that your affirmations seem to be working for you. But your comment is revealing. You are in fact saying that if affirmations aren't working it's because you're “doing it wrong”. So, you really prove my point that when people say affirmations don't work, you can just put all the blame on the person doing the affirmation.

Sorry, Jacco, but telling someone that they have to concentrate harder when they do affirmations before they can get results is really no help at all.

As to your final part…fighting for the wrong reasons is never good. And quitting is sometimes an excellent choice…just ask all those ex-smokers out there.
Louise

if you don't have self -esteem why would you bother doing any thing better for yourself. surely the first step is recognising your worth doing something better for in the first place. Affirmations aren't to help you feel better about where you they are to help you change so they should have the same result as the action your advising but both these things require the same thing; to truly believe you are worth something more than the crappy situation you are in.
Everyone lies to them selves all the time and believes it; we tell our selves we can't or we don't deserve or we're not good enough, so why not tell yourself a positive lie for a change may be you'll believe that instead.
Either way and what ever gets you there you still have to change what you were doing and believing before for your life to be different. To me it's “horses for courses” find what works for you and do it.
carlon

Thanks for dropping by. Not sure what your point is. If you have to believe before you can do, then THAT is quite limiting. And that's the problem with affirmations. If you wait to do something until you believe in yourself, you'll be waiting a long time.

By taking action, you have a much better chance of “feeling better” rather than chanting to yourself. And, no, chanting and “thinking” do not count as actions.
Denise

Affirmations do work,you may not get everything you ask for.You have to know it, believe it feel it and know the universe is taking care of your needs and it will. Affirmations are powerful and you do have to specific in your requests but they work.
carlon

OK. Let me get this straight.
Affirmations work.
But not always.
But they work.

Makes no sense.

And they wonder why I use humor and satire to mock this sort of stuff…
Roseangel777

First people who have low self esteem have to want to be helped I know that. But affirmations do work. They helped me through a very hard time in my life. I am lucky I have God in my life. If you are on facebook. Look at an affirmation a day. Affirmations work. The mind is a very powerful tool.
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carlon

Is the thing about people wanting to be helped a roundabout way of saying that “they're not doing it right?”

As for God, I know of no religious tradition that uses affirmations. So while I admire your religious beliefs, I don't see how one's faith in God can be used to show that affirmations work.
aladdinkid112

There Are Religious teaching in the bible on this Proverbs 23:7 As A Man Thinketh in his Heart so is he! ,Which means Change Your Thoughts YOu have to believe your Worthy and you’ll be Worthy! Dont speak on shit you dont know!
Anonymous

Hey aladdinkid112,

#1 You don’t want to get into some Bible quoting contest with me. You’ll lose.

#2 But since you did bring up a Bible verse, I would like to recommend that you actually read what you’re quoting rather than googling a random Bible verse that you hope agrees with whatever cockamamie belief you have. Proverbs 23 is a nice read. It tells you not to work too hard for riches. Great advice. And if you read the whole chapter, you’ll see that verse 6-7 is telling you not to eat or drink from the table of a stingy man because he is only calculating the cost. But I doubt you read the entire chapter. In fact, you didn’t even seem to read the entire verse! You didn’t even quote the entire verse. The KJV says, “As A Man Thinketh in his Heart so is he; Eat and Drink he saith to thee but his heart is not with thee.”

Next time, quote the whole verse…ah…but if you did that, it wouldn’t have appeared to have proven your point. You must follow the School of Quoting things out of context so that it agrees with whatever point you are trying to make. Don’t worry dude. I’m here to set you straight. I recommend further studying.

#3 I am offended that you come to this blog armed with religion talk and completely and utterly fail to back it up. I am insulted and I apologize to all my readers for your lousy comment. Religion is a serious thing. Please do not trivialize it.
http://www.facebook.com/cdo.fashionista Kriza Shop

Affirmations don’t work if you don’t use them correctly. First, the tendency for the mind is to have a battle between the conscious and subconscious over what is true. If your affirmation is “I feel good about myself” and currently you don’t feel good about yourself, your mind will have a little tennis match with itself when you say your affirmation. Conscious mind: I feel good about myself. Subconscious mind: That’s not true, you suck.

Back and forth your mind will go. Yes I do, No you don’t!Self Esteem Affirmations
Camy

CHANGE WORKS. I tried many things and finally ended up meditating. When I meditated I looked at myself and the way that peole saw me. I was not the nicest person. I wanted to change and worked hard at it and everything around me began to change. I developed a professional, kind disposition at work and was rewarded instantly. I wanted to change, but did not think the environement would change so quickly or that people would forget so soon. It was like not only was I a new person, but no one remembered the old one. I knew I could not undo all the things that I had done, but word was traveling and some people I never expected to see where coming back into my life. I had tried affirmations; chanting, visualization, etc.

Just look at yourself, your image and the way you treat people, how you are perceived and viewed and your world will CHANGE! If affirmations work for you, do affirmations, but remember that 60′s book, “Dress for Success”. Well Act for Success.
Camy

I am clarifying my last post of 0 minutes ago. Maybe when you change that it like an affirmation. I changed, my mind changed. It was difficult. I had to act friendly for a while and then I became friendly. I was vague about the rewards. The rewards were a promotion, something that was always out of the question at work, and many good friends and of course more money because of the promotion.
Anonymous

Your final point hits the nail on the head. Change means taking action. I find that affirmations are a way to FEEL like we are taking action but really doesn’t have the desired long-term effect. Unless you believe that your thoughts control the universe. I don’t share such a belief.

It’s much different than a meditation practice.
Anonymous

I found that it’s easier to change your actions than to change your “mind”. Actions are easier to control and they lead to your mind changing.
Mari

No action will ever help if you are stuck in a limited mindset, period.Affirmations did work form me and changed my life.Keep your limitations for your self and don’t spread negativity where it’s not needed.
Anonymous

I disagree. It’ amazing how actions can change a person’s mindset. It’s also amazing how a person’s self image is transformed by the people around them. And words not followed by actions are empty. Actions are all that matter..if you don’t believe me, then tell me why you judge people based on their actions and not their “mindsets”.
Darlene

My grandmother, smart woman, was amazed with all this enhancing your self-esteem speak from the 1970′s. Her answer to the self esteem problem, is what you stated, Do something, and get good at it, and you will have self esteem. And, you are correct with “feeling”, thought proceeds action and action proceeds feelings. So, you must have a thought/dream/desire, then you must take some kind of action (thinking is not an action), then the “feeling” will follow. Affirmations may help some people actually formulate a course of action. But, none-the-less, you have to get off your butt and do something.
Guest

Positive affirmations are not necessarily untruthful; more often than not they are just an alternative perspective. People who are too negative are self-defeating. They’re not going to do anything to improve, because they already believe they’ve lost the game. There’s no point in that. You need a certain level of self-confidence to take risks, and if positive affirmations help people get there, then they should use them.

For example: Maybe your situation does suck. Perhaps you are surrounded by assholes who criticize everything compulsively. Well, you’re not going to get yourself out of that situation without self-esteem. Making new acquaintances means putting yourself out there. If your current group has torn you down so much that you feel worthless, you’re not going to take that risk.

You can challenge and change your thoughts. There are many legitimate and effective therapies based on making you believe what you, as a patient, may perceive as “lies.” Cognitive behavioral therapy is one such treatment that helps people deal with their anxious thoughts. People undergoing the treatment aren’t expected to suddenly get better at life, but rather think more positively about their situations. And it does act like a self-fulfilling prophecy in many cases; people believe they are doing better so they do.
matt

Carlon,
It must get pretty tiresome having to read comments by gullible morons all day.
Im starting to believe my friend Jason more and more, whose belief was 90 percent of people
are idiots.
Martinyusuf1

hi I have read your commentary on affirmations and I would have to say that your information stream in my opinion is shallow and narrowminded when we grow up the social commentary we recieve about our lives from parents teachers etc forms our opinion of who we are.This programing and condition to a large extent forms a core belief system within us .some people think that this is who they are and would never feel a need to change this as they are not self aware enough to create a comparison within their minds to look upon themselves from another position .This detachment and self reflection is the beginning of a journey into wholeness.Affrimations can be used as a powerful tool to speed up this process.Postive self talk can be useful but in no way can it be used in the same context of affirmations .Affirmations are actually one of the oldest spiritual tools for transformation and they are not a recent new age development by any stretch of the imagination
Chuckcdt

Affirmations work because they lead to actions. Often people think about something before they do it. Thoughts have been proven to have a chemical impact on the brain. These chemicals have an affect on the brains neuroplasticity. Affirmations are a form of self talk utilizing thoughts. The scientific evidence is there for anyone who wishes to research it.
Anonymous

I agree that mindlessly repeating a phrase over and over isn’t likely to be an effective way of overcoming low self-esteem. But I’m not sure that the most effective alternative is to surround yourself with supportive people.

a) That’s a task that’s easier said than done, especially if you aren’t feeling great about yourself to begin with. It may involve cutting certain people out of your life, actively trying to meet new people, joining new groups and then evaluating whether they are indeed supportive, and then evaluating whether you actually gel with them.

b) Even if you do create a supportive crèche for yourself, and even if those wonderfully supportive people do make you feel better when you’re with them, that’s no guarantee that the next time a colleague/customer/stranger insults you, or is condescending towards you, that you’ll be *any* better equipped to deal with it.

I work as a therapist, and time and again I’ve come across insecure people who can carry round insults, past “sins”, and the certainty that they’re worthless in the face of endless reassurance from friends and family.

Your support network isn’t, of course, irrelevant to self-esteem; people’s opinions about you do tend to contribute to your self-concept.

But I suspect you’d agree that it’s far from the whole answer, and in my experience, examining the beliefs you hold about yourself, and the attributional styles you habitually adopt can still be a tremendously worthwhile endeavour.

I’ve written a few more thoughts on this area here: http://www.exploringtrance.com/how-to-make-affirmations-work/