First of all, let me be clear: I think productivity is overrated. How do you know you’re being productive? Hell if I know..but you can buy a whole lot of books that’ll tell you how to be more productive without actually telling you what it means to be “productive”.
But why do you need those books when you have me to help you. I’ve got 5 surefire ways to make you productive:
1. Throw away your cell phone or turn it off 23 hours a day
OK. Full disclosure here. I don’t have an iPhone. I want one though. But it’s not because I need it or anything. It’s just that all cool people have one and I want to be cool.
But what the hell do I need it for?
I really don’t like people calling me all the damn time to talk about a whole lotta nothing.
True story: People regularly get mad at me for turning off my cell phone when I’m working out.
They are mad at ME for wanting to complete an activity without interruption.
Now, I scanned a few books on productivity and that whole “complete the task without interruption” is kind of an important thing.
I always ask them if their call is an emergency. They always say no. But they still get annoyed.
One of those people’s jobs: productivity coach. Go figure.
It’s like my buddy Herb used to say, “Who wants to be called with a, “hey did you pick up the kids?” call when you’re at a bar trying to get your drink on.”
And smart phones? Well, you can do all sorts of mindless stuff on it. Hey, we all love Plants vs. Zombies, but productive it does not a person make.
And seriously, does anyone really need to check e-mail, and Facebook constantly..especially when I’m trying to have a conversation with you?
Speaking of Facebook….
2. Commit Web 2.0 suicide
Hey, your Facebook update says you saw a flower on the side of the road (pic included!). And some guy tweeted that he’s bored. Who cares?
Do you really need to know what your buddies are doing every minute of every day? How much time do you spend on Twitter, Facebook, and all that stuff that’s supposed to bring us closer together as a community but really gives us an excuse not to interact with real people?
Being productive entails sacrifice. Less time on social meda..more time socializing.
Of course, if you want to be super-duper productive, you could always commit web 2.0 suicide.
Here’s a link to a place where you can do just that:
Disclaimer: DSP does not endorse suicide in any shape or form. Besides, we don’t care that much about being productive, so we’re still on Facebook…join our page.
3. Stop Reading productivity blogs
Mindhacking, lifehacking, zenhacking, brainhacking, badhabits, dullhabits, zenhackingbrainhabits…don’t you have work to do instead of reading about how to do work more efficiently? Go on. Stop reading this blog. Get outta here. Get to work.
4. Stop buying new productivity products
Outlook add-ons. Website tools. Mindmapping software for your cellphone, desktop, laptop, iPod, and iPad. 1,000 contact managers. Software screwdrivers. Seriously. Do we really NEED all this stuff to make us more productive? It’s hard to be productive when you’re changing your “productivity” products every week.
You only need one: the DSP Productivity Toolkit in a Box. It only costs $27.99 and comes with 2 pencils and a notepad. Write a to-do list in said notepad with said pencils and then go do those things.
5. Get an iPad
OK. It won’t make you productive, per se. But I love my iPad. And you can’t multitask on the iPad (yeah..I know a lot of people bitched and moaned and now Steve gave in and will update it…sucks).
I’ve surprisingly been able to do quite a lot of work o my iPad because I can’t multitask.
Maybe #5 should be: stop multitasking and do one thing at a time.
But what fun is that…you can read 500-page books that’ll tell you that. Instead, I say get an iPad and don’t update it.
Photo of girl courtesy of Rachel Amaratte