5 Wacky Conspiracy Theories

May 7th, 2010

There are a lot of kooky conspiracy theories out there.  But here are 5 that I think are pretty weird, yet believed by people (some of whom have a brain somewhere).  And just for fun, I decided to add an alternate conspiracy theory that I’m sure someone at some time will start spreading.

1. 9/11 was caused by the US government

With all due respect to that great intellectual Jesse “The Body” Ventura, this conspiracy theory blows.  I once saw some documentary about this called Loose Screws, I mean Loose Change.  You know that a conspiracy theory really blows when documentary makers advocating the conspiracy theory have to make a “Part II” (and later a third cut) because even they knew how dumb they sounded in part I.

But the 9/11 “truthers” are good for laughs.  I saw some guy going on about how the government secretly landed the planes somewhere, let everyone out, and then remote controlled the planes.  When pressed a little about it, it becomes obvious that this guy had some real problems.  One of my favorite “truther” moments was when the dudes from Loose Change were being debated on TV and they kept going on how the government’s explanation for 9/11 didn’t make sense.  Finally, the guy debating asked them if they even knew the government explanation.  Blank faces all around.  Classic!

DSP alternate theory: Those young whippersnappers in my front yard caused 9/11 with their fireworks.

2. NASA faked the moon landings

I like this one because one version has Arthur C. Clarke writing the script.  I love Arthur C.  Clarke!  Though I think Isaac Asimov would have been a better choice to write it.  Seriously though.  How can you not love a conspiracy theory that gives you the gift of Buzz Aldrin decking one of the conspiracy nuts?

DSP alternate theory: We didn’t land on the moon.  The moon landed on us.

3. The Jews run Hollywood/Wall Street/Main Street, etc.

What’s a conspiracy theory if it didn’t involve the Jews?  You still got “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion” that book proven to be a fake but still believed by idiots out there.  I would laugh more at these windbag Jewish conspiracy theories if they didn’t lead to such tragic consequences.  Yet, still they persist.  I once had some dude telling me how the Jews were controlling the US government.

DSP alternate theory: The Jews control the sewer system because of all the crap they have to take.

4. Lizard People Run the World

Looks like I’m not the only one who loved V!  I am also a big fan of the Roddy Piper blockbuster “They Live.” I saw that bad boy at the theater when I was a kid.  But up until a few days ago, I had no idea that some people ACTUALLY believe this lizard people stuff.  An entertaining conspiracy theory though.

DSP alternate theory: We are all lizard people.  We just don’t know it. It’s non-lizards who are ruling the world.

5. AIDS was made in a laboratory

I found this theory interesting because the purpose of AIDS changes with who it kills most.  When it was mainly affecting homosexual men, the theory stated that it was made by the CIA to kill homosexuals.  Now, that its mostly killing Africans, it was now made in a laboratory to kill minorities.  And who created AIDS?  Who knows?  Depends on how times progress.  The Russians.  US Army.  CIA. Pharmaceutical companies.

Sorry, but you don’t get to change the target as time goes on.  Get your story straight.

DSP alternate theory: AIDS was created by the condom-makers to make more money. I’d put my money on Trojans..with that whole horse thing and all.

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