5 Easy Ways to Get Fired

October 2nd, 2010
Some people are just plain sick of their jobs.  The only problem is they don’t have the guts to just quit.  Instead, they just sit around waiting to be fired.

But you can’t just sit around and wait to get fired!  You’ve got to DO something about it.  Some people think you have to do something drastic like that flight attendant sliding guy.  But those tactics are for quitters.  You’re not a quitter.

You wanna get fired!  There are lots of things you can do to get fired that go beyond the obvious things like yelling at your boss.  Let’s look at some:

1. Show up late

This is a good way to put yourself on the chopping block.  Coming in late tells your boss that you don’t respect his time or yours.  In fact, you’re telling him that you don’t take your job seriously.

Oh, be sure NEVER to make an excuse for being late.  just shrug your shoulders when you’re asked why you’re late.

2. Take long lunches (and have a couple of drinks while you’re at it)

Oh, the lunch break.  We love to eat our lunches.  But if you want to get fired, you’ll need to REALLY enjoy your lunch.  Take a couple of hours or so.  And have a couple of drinks.  I recommend tequila shots.

There’s nothing a boss will love more than the smell of alcohol on your breath.

Oh, and if your boss asks why you’re late from lunch or why you reek of booze–just shrug your shoulders.

3. Leave early

The last part of the “time” trilogy is simple.  Leave early.  If your boss asks why you’re leaving early–just shrug your shoulders.

4. Complain about things your boss has no control over

This may not get your fired immediately, but it will put your name at the top of the chopping list.  Complain about the weather, lousy benefits, state of the economy, etc.  You know your boss can’t solve these problems in a day, but don’t let that stop you.

Oh…don’t offer any solutions to any problems.  If you do that, this may backfire on you and instead of getting fired, you’ll end up with a promotion.

5. Say that everything is “not your job”

Getting fired requires you to re-define your job.  Find some “core job” that you do and consider it your ONLY job  For example, if you answer the phones, make reports, AND sell insurance.  Think that all you do is sell insurance.  Let the reports go unfiled and let that phone ring and ring.

If the boss complains, explain that your ONLY job is to sell insurance–not answer a damn phone.  As an added bonus, tell your boss to do it.

Do these enough and you’re sure to get fired.  And the best part is YOU get to be the victim.  Because, hey, you were “doing your job” after all.

One caveat: if you’ve got it in your head that you are going to start your own business after getting fired, think again.  If you can’t be anywhere on time or do things outside your “job description” you’ll have a helluva time doing it for your own business.  And if you think your attitude will change just because it’s your business, you’re wrong.  The same people who complain about their bosses all day are the same people who complain about their clients all day  Maybe, it;s a genetic thing.  We don’t know.  But DSP is planning to hire a geneticist to  run experiments on it.

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