10 Wise Old Sayings That Are Stupid

February 12th, 2010

We often hear those wise old sayings handed down from generation to generation, but some of them are just plain stupid.  Seriously, I went through a list of them and picked out 10 “wise old sayings” that are actually pretty dumb and some cases flat out wrong! And in honor of Valentine’s Day, I made sure to pick some love-related “wisdom” for de-pooping.
1. A penny saved is a penny earned

Huh?  Are you saying that if I am walking down the street, see a penny, pick it up, and then save it, then I’ve earned it?  This should be more like a penny saved is a penny saved.

2. You Can’t Have Your Cake and Eat It Too

This one makes no sense at all.  I have a cake, then I eat it.  Simple as that. But to be fair, I looked it up and it seems that a better translation from the Old English would be “You can’t eat your cake and have it too.”  Makes more sense.  Let’s change it.

3. You can’t be a true winner until you have lost

This sounds like some loser made this up.  Or I can imagine some BS finance guru using this one to explain why it’s actually a good thing that they failed while following their advice.  Because, hey, failing makes you a true winner.

4. All’s Well that End’s well

Let me replace it with another one: the ends justify the means.  Just because things end up well doesn’t mean that the method used to achieve that end is OK.

5. Tis Better to Have Loved and Lost Than Never to Have Loved At All

Love stinks.  Love is painful.  But love is grand.  With all due respect to Tennyson who wrote this line in memoriam to his friend, sometimes it might be better to never have loved at all.  Theoretically, of course.

6. Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Yes, it makes me appreciate my new woman all the much more.

7. You can’t buy love.

Yes, you can.  Ask Hugh Hefner.

8. Good things come to those wait

So, I should sit on my rear end waiting for something to come to me?  I prefer going after what I want rather than waiting for it to come to me.

9. Everything happens for a reason

Yep, there’s a reason for everything.  It’s called a “cause”.

10. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

This one seriously makes me want to vomit.  I literally have a physical reaction when people tell me this.  Like that guy who ripped off one of my blog posts and put it on his blog who when I called him on it, replied, “hey, man, I thought you’d be flattered.”

Flattered, slimeball?  Jeez, I guess I should be thanking you for ripping off my hard work.

Try ready to call my lawyer to sue your ass.  Come up with your own stuff.


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