10 Ways You Could be Compared to Hitler!

June 4th, 2010

Who will be compared to Hitler today?

Turn on the news on any given day and you find out that yet again someone else is Hitler.  Of course, I think Hitler comparisons are hilarious—a serious joke and the biggest jokers are those who make them.  I think they know what practical jokers they really are.  Or do they?

I happened to come across an article by John T. Reed whose Succeeding book I recommended.  And it is the best I’ve seen at someone actually trying to rationalize comparing someone to Hitler. Reed obviously is not a fan of President Obama.  His article ends with a hilarious table showing the similarities between Obama and Hitler.

John T. Reed wrote:

One guy said I could not compare Obama to Hitler because the Nazi leader was a mass murderer. My position on it is not that Obama is Hitler but that he exhibits some disquieting similarities with Hitler.

Obama is not a murderer, mass or otherwise. Nor do I see any indications that he will become a mass murderer.

If I believe that Hitler (sic) exhibits some disquieting similarities with Hitler, but do not mention it for fear it will cost me popularity with the public, I am turning into a politician. I hate politicians

Of course, Reed is ignoring the big elephant in the room: Hitler is not associated with being a painter or an anti-smoking campaigner.  He is associated with being a murderer.

And the truth is Hitler’s mass murder is the ONLY characteristic anyone cares about.

Comparisons to Hitler are always red herrings.  This is a logical fallacy used often.  Instead of disagreeing on issues, they use tactics such as guilt by association to try to discredit someone.  What better way to discredit anyone than to say he’s Hitler?

But I thought it might be worth looking into.  I looked more closely at Reed’s table on the “disquieting similarities” between Obama and Hitler.

And they are disquieting!  They include:

  • They both were elected in their 40’s.
  • They both wrote a book.
  • They both speak well.
  • They both came to power in hard economic times
  • They both became involved in politics at early ages.
  • They both used innovative campaign tactics.
  • They were both involved in politics before being elected (go figure).

Gives you pause, huh?  (pause for sarcastic effect) Holy CRAP!  Obama and Hitler were politicians!  Well, look at some of the other “disquieting” similarities:

  • Obama went to law school. Hitler was in the army (oohhh…the similarities are striking there.)
  • Obama is half-black. Hitler was “Aryan”. (uh…OK?)
  • Obama blamed corporations for economic troubles.  Hitler blamed Jews.  (huh?)

But then, as I got done laughing, I realized something.  Hold the phone!  It’s not just Obama who has disquieting similarities to Hitler.  EVERYONE I’ve ever known has a plethora of disquieting similarities to Hitler.  I’m surrounded by Hitler! You, my dear reader, might be Hitler WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING IT!

So, my public service for the day is to help you figure out if you’re Hitler or not.  I’ve found 10 of the most common disquieting similarities you might have with Hitler.  Be forewarned.  You may not like what you are about to read:

  1. You own a dog?  Hitler owned a dog…you’re Hitler!
  2. Like classical music? You snob.  Hitler!  Oh…fan of Wagner? Then, you’re REALLY Hitler. So, all you guys you enjoyed that little Napalm in the morning scene form Apocalypse Now…you were listening to Hitler’s favorite song.  How do you feel now? That’s a movie Hitler would have liked.
  3. Smoker?  You’re in luck.  NOT Hitler.  Light up boys and girls, if you don’t want to be Hitler.
  4. Hitler promoted good health.  All you working-out, granola-eating, dieters…HITLER! Get out of the gym and sit your ass down if you don’t want to be Hitler.  You don’t want to be Hitler, do you?
  5. Hitler was a baby.  You were a baby.  HITLER!
  6. Hitler was married.  If you’re married, then you’re Hitler. Hitler also waited right before he offed himself to get married, so all you people who are not married are all potential Hitlers.
  7. Hitler wore clothes.  All non-nudists….Hitler.
  8. Hitler had hair.  Bring out the razor or risk being Hitler.  Looks like skinheads are the only people who are not Hitler.
  9. Hitler had a mother.  You have a mother.  You’re Hitler.
  10. Hitler was a human.  Looks like no matter what you do…you’re HITLER!

Looks like no matter how you slice it…you too can be compared to Hitler.

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